Saturday, January 5, 2019

Being Pro-active


Being Pro-active!

Awareness of programs – With all these programs going on, you’d think I would be at least a little aware of them.  But the fact is, before we lived through our frustratingly fast learning curve last fall I was only vaguely aware of homecare services, and associated them entirely with care of the elderly.  But there are so many other situations in which some form of home care help is needed – think of families with a disabled child, or young people who have been in a disabling accident.  Homecare is actually widespread and vital,

It seems to me then, that someone should have outlined what’s available to me when I spent two months in a rehabilitation program at Parkwood Institute.  What should I expect when I got home, what decisions should I expect to have to make.  Who would be coming to see us.  Even after we got home, an overview of what was to come would have been helpful.  I’m sure we would both have felt less stress if we had known what to expect.

Being pro-active and asking questions – As people started arriving and the learning curve turned up, we knew we had to ask lots of questions and be clear about what choices we were being given in order to make good decisions.  Very quickly we became pro-active, ready with our questions and making calls to agencies to sort things out. 

Although I only lost my cool once, I can see that people who weren’t prepared to be assertive might get lost in the complex mix of services available.  Luckily Mrs. F.G., as a retired nurse, understands what is needed.  That has certainly made it easier the last 3+ months.

Service Deliverers – Just to keep the picture complete I should point out that there are actually three different organizations that deliver these services, as a loyal local blog reader pointed out to me.  The three are the Red Cross, the VON (Victorian Order of Nurses), and Care Partners.  The first two are over 100 years old; the third is a much more recently formed organization.  However only the last two operate in our region.  Our experience is entirely with Care Partners.

Stress and decisions – Needless to say our first months home have been very busy, full of meeting new people and trying to keep them straight.  The many decisions we have had to make have admittedly been a little stressful.  Just the multiple appointments which occupied our time each day were enough to leave us feeling overwhelmed.  In comparison, a glance at our January calendar, with numerous empty days, is a huge relief.  I think we’re reaching the point where life is at least a little balanced.

Counselling – One topic that I’ve thought of is the benefit of counselling.  In my case for example, my life has been totally changed by the sudden onslaught of a major disability.  I think I’d be justified in being a little upset.  I’m not actually thinking of this personally, but I would be very surprised if some people in a similar position were not emotionally stressed and could not benefit from counselling – even some gentle conversation for reassurance.

And yet, among the 25 or so different people we have had contact with, not a single one has mentioned the availability of counselling.  This is a gap in all these programs that I think should be addressed.

15 comments:

  1. Although not everyone needs counseling, some (perhaps most) people with a life-changing condition desperately need counseling. In some ways, the best counselors are those who've been there themselves and have successfully coped with the changes. Only someone who's been there can really, really understand.

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  2. I was asked did I need a counselor...our situation was really hard because of Roger's stroke. I was still having to see that he took his meds...he could not have ran the washer and dryer. He can use the microwave, and even though he has been using it almost since he got home from the hospital in Sept 2016, every time he uses it, it is almost like for the first time. He still has to stand and figure it out.

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  3. Counseling for you and Ms. FG, possibly your children. The entire family is impacted. My sister helped my parents, an aunt and helps with her in laws. She was in the thick of negotiating and at times personally providing the services for about 15 to 18 years. As a joke at one point after our Dad had passed, she printed business cards for LOLA, Little Old Lady Assistance.

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  4. The community is trying but there are so many different needs it's hard to fill all the gaps.

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  5. Thank you again F.G. for sharing how and who in your area provides home care services. I would have welcoming even group sharing with someone who knew the ropes. Learning them by guess and by luck wasn't easy and I know I missed things that might have made life better for my dad. The middle of the night stuff was always me getting that phone call from dad to deal with ... whatever he needed. I finally hired a friend of his to be the middle of the night person to call and he could usually talk my dad through whatever the concern was.
    Joy

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  6. If you manage to find the right person for counselling, it might help, even other family members. At one time,I was caring for an elderly family member and getting stressed,I felt I was trapped at home every day.My GP offered me 6 free counselling sessions, I thought not, then accepted. So off I went to make an appointment, and walked into the reception area. The lady behind the desk asked in a VERY loud voice, ' Are you here for a sexual assault counselling session "... I could have turned and fled out the door if I was. The following week I mentioned this,and a follow up was made. I hope you have better luck with your person. But, again,many many years earlier, I had a spinal injury and needed surgery. No help apart from some travel assistance and household chores.No counselling either. Mrs F.G , if you get frustrated, do what my G P suggested, get out a boxing bag and take aim at that. The lack of free time, and all the visits for you both mean days on end when the front door opens so many times. I read the words from Janice, above, and so agree.Meantime, I look forward to your words every day.

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  7. A good post. Imagine if you didn't have a spouse; counseling would be vital! Best wishes to you.

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  8. Sadly, unless we need these services, I think that most of us don’t give them a moment’s thought.

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  9. The last line of your post, "This is a gap in all these programs that I think should be addressed" I think might hold a key for you. With your background education, tenacity, attention to detail, compassion,and writing skills you are now in a unique situation and position to advocate for those very health care shortcomings you wrote about. From reading your posts these last few years I feel you would just be the right kind of person to take on a meaningful challenge like this and succeed.

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  10. I am blown away that counselling was not offered, spouse or not. I agree with the comments above and David said what I feel, the best. Unless or until we need them, we don't even consider these things. Thank you for keeping us informed everything that you and others are dealing with.
    Al is bang on too. You would be great at it.
    I'm happy to hear that January is looking better for both of you, quieter, less appt. and less doors opening and closing at your place.

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  11. I do recommend seeking out counselling. If at first the rapport with a counsellor feels off, you can find another.

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  12. Totally surprised to hear you got no counseling on your future from Parkwood. So many issues that needed to be addressed. Glad to hear you will be having a bit more free time .

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  13. I don't like being cynical but after a quarter of a century working with disabled people I get the feeling that, in this country at least, no one is particularly anxious to point out the availability of services, mainly because these services are underfunded and understaffed. Working in the school it was very clear that the parents who got most help were those who were well-educated and wealthy and who knew how to access the system.

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  14. I too look forward to hearing from you on this blog about your trials, tribulations, and solutions. I've learned so much that I might one day need to know. Thank you.

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  15. We have struggled with the health care system also, it is a learning curve. Who knew healthcare assistance had so many rules and regulations. We once had a dr that said home healthcare nurses would visit when ever we wanted....reality...if you are housebound you qualify....that means going out for a haircut once a month, to church on Sunday and dr apptsONLY. I hope you are able to get the help you need. Invest in a robotic vacuume cleaner well worth the investment. We love ours. Happy new year! Aloha!

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